The 'You Can’t Have It All' Parenting Trope Needs to Die
The narrative of parenthood as the enemy of ambition and happiness needs to be retired—for good.
Recently, someone whose perspective I usually value shared something with me that caught me off guard. They said, “You can’t have it all. Being fully committed to your career while also being a devoted parent—especially a mother—is impossible. Your attention is always divided.”
Then shortly after, I came across a clip from the recent Call Her Daddy podcast where Chappell Roan echoed a similar sentiment. She mentioned that she doesn’t know anyone her age (she’s 27, by the way) who’s genuinely happy and also has kids. To add a bit more salt to that cut, she added, “anyone with a spark in their eyes, anyone who's well rested, probably isn't married with children.” lol, k 🙄
These comments bothered me, and not because they're sweeping generalizations that’s not uncommon, but precisely because they're so pervasive. They reinforce the stereotype that parenthood, and motherhood in particular, is an inevitable sacrifice of happiness, ambition, and professional growth. This narrative is frustrating, and boring, to say the least but it’s also pretty damaging. When you bring these thoughts into the workplace, it influences who gets hired, who gets promoted, and shapes the conversations we casually have around coffee tables and conference rooms. It imposes unfair limitations, especially on mothers, whose capabilities are questioned simply because they chose to have children.
Parenthood is difficult. Extraordinarily so. I can obviously attest to this, but mothers face emotional and hormonal challenges that are often invisible and deeply felt. Yet, even in those challenging moments, becoming a parent has filled my life with profound meaning. My days are richer. My connection to life is deeper. Choosing parenthood, for me, has meant choosing a life that is less lonely and more purposeful.
It was a conscious decision, and one I've never regretted.
I want to make something very clear: if you don’t want children, that’s valid, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to have them. I’m staunchly pro-choice. But there’s a significant difference between making a personal decision and imposing your perspective as universal truth. To make such a bold claim that parenthood inherently diminishes happiness or professional ambition is both misguided and unfair.
Rather than fixating on whether parenthood is inherently good or bad, we should push our efforts to building a society where everyone's choices are respected and supported—where being child-free or having children doesn't define your potential, or your happiness. Parenthood doesn't have to compromise those ambition and joy, just like deciding not to have children doesn't indicate a lack of fulfillment.
Can we please move beyond the assumptions and judgments? It’s 2025 for goodness sakes. I thought we were past this. Fulfillment, happiness, and success are personal—they come from authentically living according to your own values, whatever those might be.
Super super true — make your choice but don't impose it as a universal truth.
Also, we really do need to get out of that stereotypical way of thinking. Everyone's experiences and challenges are unique so generalizing really doesn't help.
"They reinforce the stereotype that parenthood, and motherhood in particular, is an inevitable sacrifice of happiness, ambition, and professional growth."
THIS! I let this stereotype stifle me for a while, but since becoming a mom, I've never felt more ambitious, creative, and inspired. You CAN have it all, you may just have to move some things around. Things look different now, but both my cups (personal and professional) are full. Thank you for being one of the few who amplify the positive narrative all parents need to hear. This should be way louder than Chappel Roan.