Marketers, please stop gifting me pens and socks

Here's my rant on lazy merch, performative marketing, and plea for more thoughtfulness.

I’ve been to a lot of work events (like conferences and dinner parties) in my career. Events where people spend months planning. The intimate ones, the stadium-sized ones. And if there’s one thing you always walk away with, is free shit.

And by free shit, I mean the branded stuff you collect like Costco samples. Like these tote bags that are having a bit of a marketing moment where every brand feels the need to virtue signal that not only do they want you to remember their brand and logo but they’re also the kind of brand that cares about the fucking planet. And it is nice, the first couple of times where people were doing this, and yes, I’ve also worn some of these totes to my local Trader Joe’s. But if we’re being totally honest, most of them end up stuffed inside another tote bag, and tossed under the sink. Never to be touched again. There’s also the gift of giving pens, which seems to never go out of style, despite the fact that they only work for like half an hour. Mugs. Logoed hand sanitizers. Socks, always the one-size-fits-all socks.

If you’ve ever been to one of these events, you know what I’m talking about. There’s always that moment where you grab something—anything—just because it’s there. And because it’s free.

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As a quick aside, since we’re on the subject of totes. I went to HubSpot’s INBOUND last September. Just me and a single branded tote we’d made for our Plot Dinner Club event. Since we didn’t sponsor a booth, or plan any activation, I carried and passed this around like it was a massive game of show and tell. Then turned it into whole bit for social media. That overworked tote touched more hands than some of the booths with five-figure budgets. It certainly carried its weight in terms of driving brand awareness.

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So here’s the part that gets me, the things that winds me up enough to write a whole substack about it: I feel like we’re not even trying to impress anyone anymore.

Swag isn’t inherently bad. I’ve gotten stuff I actually loved. Stuff I practically lunged for. But most of it feels like a marketing formality. Like it was a budget line item someone remembered at the last minute, right after someone said, “Should we send them something?” and someone else shrugged, “Sure.” Then it got handed off, checked off, and done. No further thoughts.

I still remember getting a hoodie from a small conference a few years ago in New Orleans. There wasn’t an obvious logo on it. Just one clean, embroidered line that made me laugh: “I got bourbon-faced on shit street.” And I wore that thing until it fell apart. It came with me on trips. It was comfy, and always a conversation starter. And every time someone asked, I’d tell them the story about the conference. That hoodie became a staple in my wardrobe because it resonated with me on an emotional level—it made me belly laugh.. The event planners didn’t need to slap a logo on it to drive impressions. It naturally gave me a story that I wanted to share.

Which made me think of another example, why do people wear Harvard sweatshirts even if they didn’t actually go to Harvard?

People wear Harvard sweatshirts without ever having stepped foot on campus. Not because they have any deep love and care for the school. Because it says something. There is academia coded clout when you sports one around. So the brand isn’t necessarily the point, but the association sure is.

So when your brand sends out a tote bag with just your logo and some boring ass marketing line that’s just not relatable, what is it actually saying? Would anyone wear it if they didn’t have to?

We’ve confused “sending something” with “delighting someone.”

And I think it’s because we’ve been fed this idea that if you want customers to love your brand—really really love your brand—you just have to “delight them.” Turn them into superfans! Build lifelong loyalty! And then someone says, “Let’s order pens.”

Are we kidding?????

Real delight doesn’t happen because a company slapped a slogan on a mug. It’s something that makes people feel something. It’s something that shows you paid attention, or at least tried…even if it was just a little.

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Here’s a real-time example—literally posted 16 minutes ago—by Emily Huffer, Social Media Manager at Best Western Hotels & Resorts. Canva gifted her a “black box,” and I thought it was actually really well done.

It wasn’t overly Canva logofied. It was thoughtful. A hat that says “not now, I’m posting”? That’s very social media manager-coded. Paired with a mic, that back-of-the-phone sticky thing to adhere to walls, and tech accessories like a mic—things that she’d actually use. It was clearly tailored to her, not just Canva’s brand.

And it felt personal, and relatable to her, she shared it. Canva’s branding didn’t need to scream at you. The post itself became the brand moment. This is what swag should do: make someone feel seen enough that they want to talk about it. That’s how you get recognition without forcing it.

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That’s why I’m not dunking on swag itself. I’m shitting on the lazy lackadaisical effort. Because when the effort is there and when it’s done well—it works.

I recently partnered with Strän, a company that actually puts thought into branded merchandise. They sent me a gift box—not a cheap Temu special, but a curated set of things I’d actually use. Recognizable brands like GotBag and Moleskine. Household names. Useful. Beautiful. Thoughtful. Check, check, check!!

And it hit me because one of the items—the Moleskine book journal—was so specific to me. I’m always posting about the books I read. I’ve complained about the UI of Goodreads on social. I’ve talked about how I jot down quotes and passages I love by hand. So when I saw that journal, I didn’t just think “nice gift.” I thought, “Omg wait I actually needed something like this. How cool!”

They have a catalogue full of high quality stuff

It wasn’t extraordinarily extravagant by any stretch but the intent was felt. And the fact that that feels rare in marketing? That’s kind of the problem.

We’ve become performative. We build brand campaigns around “surprise and delight,” then send people socks that they didn’t ask for. It’s a total check box thing that we do to say that we did it.

Performative delight is so overplayed, and unfortunately, I think swag is the side effect of it. And it exhaustinggggg.

Swag shouldn’t be just about the item. It’s about what it represents. So if your brand is about pushing boundaries, why does your merch look like it came from an HR compliance seminar? If your campaign is about community, why are you sending a thin cheap tshirt?

I don’t want to start a battle of the brands on merch companies. This is more of a callout to the marketers (me included), who’ve gotten predictably boring and sloppy.

We forgot that gifts are a brand expression. And if you don’t know what your brand is, no mug’s going to save you.

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Here’s how I’d think about gifting if I want it to mean something:

• Learn about the person you’re sending it to. Ask, or stalk a little.

• Only send things you would use.

• Don’t just design for function. Design for pride. Design with taste. People keep things that make them feel cool.

• Include a handwritten note. In a sea of AI-generated junk, analog wins

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The bar is very low, because I truly don’t think it’s even about spending more more. It’s about giving a shit to put forth more effort And just a gentle reminder that the landfills are getting full.

You don’t need to throw a million-dollar dinner party for every customer. But if you’re sending a gift, stop thinking like a checkbox marketer and start thinking like a human. It doesn’t have to be deep. But it should at least mean something.

That’s how you make someone feel like they belong to your brand, and not just that they got added to your drip campaign. That’s how you build awareness through intentional gifting.

And that is always good for business.

(And just to be clear—this piece isn’t sponsored by Strän. But their approach to gifting made me want to shout it from the rooftops because more people should be thinking like this.

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